Ain’t Life Funny- A True Story

This is a story I shared on my facebook page some time ago.  I thought I’d share it here.

From the time I was seven years old I was part of a best friend trio. Molly, Jen, and me… friends through thick and thin… through mud pies and playground crushes.

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Once we reached our pre-teens, Molly’s parents flew her out (alone) to Florida to visit her aunt and grandmother for a month each summer. Molly’s mom used to bring me and Jen to the airport to pick her up at the end of her visit. An airport pickup was ultra glamorous. Neither of us had ever flown in a plane, let alone stepped foot in an airport. In our eyes, Molly’s life was flashy and electrifying. A teen jet-setter.

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Molly always came home with thrilling, envy-inducing tales about all the exciting things she did in Florida. It was endless stories of Disney World, shopping, and cute boys at the beaches. It was all so sophisticated and exhilarating. A far cry from Jen and I, who played kickball in the street with the neighborhood kids, rode our bicycles, picked blackberries growing wild in the wetlands, and hung-out in tree houses in the woods where there was usually a stack of old Playboy magazines the neighborhood boys hid.

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Mostly a Norman Rockwell existence… nothing to write home about.

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One year, when we were about twelve-years-old, Molly came home with a story about a boy she met while in Florida and how they were inseparable, summer romance, blah, blah, blah… that kind of thing. Since I saw us as a trio of equals, I was a little concerned (okay, okay… totally jealous) that the balance of coolness in our trio was tilting. So I did the only thing I could think of to slant the balance back to the center.

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I lied.

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I made up a story (thankfully Jen backed me on it) about how we met two guys and had our own summer romances (cue the soundtrack from Grease). Molly was (and still is) no dummy. She wanted details. Names, places, etc. Not thinking Molly would challenge our dishonesty; I panicked and came up with a name of a guy I never met.

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I knew he existed because for years my older sister teased me about him. One of her best friends from High School had a younger brother my age. She teased me all the time that she was going to fix me up with him. All the time.

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ALL. THE. EFFING. TIME.

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Those of you who have older siblings can sympathize with me. Once they find your kryptonite, the one thing that needles you until you start swinging your fists, they never let it go. They live for your weakness, flourish in it. I never met the kid, didn’t know what he looked like, what his voice sounded like, how tall he was… all I knew was just hearing his name made me cringe. I hated him because he was the (unknowing) source of hours of teasing and misery.

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Nevertheless he came in handy for this particular fib, because he was male and she’d never meet him. He was a convenient lie. So I announced that I dated a boy who I met through my sister and Jen dated his friend, Eric (totally fictional friend). We stuck to the stories of our summer romances and eventually the lie faded to the background of pre-teen life.

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Two years later, we were High School freshman. This was the big time. Coolness was imperative. Although my High School was HUGE (my graduating class alone was 1100 students), the honors classes were relatively small. You got to know pretty much everyone in the Honor class rotation quickly. One day I heard my fake “boyfriend’s” name mentioned. I cringed. This mystery kid who I hated actually existed and he was in here in the flesh. Worse… he was friends with some mutual friends. I avoided him like the plague for two reasons: I absolutely hated him because he was the thorn my sister put in my side for years…and if Molly met him, she’d figure out Jen and I were liars and not nearly as cool as we pretended.

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Fortunately, in our four years of High School… my lie was never discovered (because it’s a BFF’s duty to ridicule you if something embarrassing was discovered). I wouldn’t say I was ever “friendly” with my fake boyfriend… but we coexisted since we had some mutual friends. I even went to a party at his house during my senior year in High School with my boyfriend at the time.

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To this day, Molly has never put together (and I’m sure long ago forgotten) my big lie. I love getting away with a good story.

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Today, Molly, Jen, and I live in different states. But we talk and keep up with each other from time to time..

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And that fake boyfriend, who I never met and absolutely despised…. We’ll be celebrating our 27th wedding anniversary in December.

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(This is a true story. My friend’s names have been changed.)

*** Just a quick note, I’ve added separate pages for my books and their links.  I apologize if you get a bunch of emails because of it.

More Fun with My Blog’s Search Terms **NSFW**

You know when you’re pouring your last glass of wine for the night and there’s a little more than you want left in the bottle, but not enough for another glass? You have  a decision to make— do you save what little is left for some future recipe or just pour what’s left in your glass and in all likelihood end up with a nasty hangover the next day?

Last night, I went with the latter.

So here I am in my bad-decision wine haze, waiting for the coffee to seep into my veins and cure me of my stupidity. My plan was to work on my third book this morning… but in the current state of my fuzzy brain, that’s not happening. So instead, I checked out the search terms that lead people to this blog. I find it fascinating what keywords bring people here. I did this once before and had fun with it. Let’s take a peek and see what we got this time around. Please forgive any duplicates from last time (some of these terms are mind-boggling).

I’m going to skip all the obvious FSOG fanfiction search terms (and there’s a boatload of them). This is NSFW.
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socks and sex
sexy tits and tube socks

Is there a new sex & sock revolution happening that I’m not aware of? I have seen trios of socks sold. I always assumed it was because one sock always seems to get eaten by the washing machine so you had a matching replacement. This apparent sock sex movement has me rethinking that. Sock trio= foot, foot, dick. Warm dick, warm heart?
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dumbbells movie sex scene

I’m not an exerciser…but that sounds dangerous to me. Unless we’re talking about actors who are not too bright…
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the perfect cock

You want cock? You got it.

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Look at this magnificent cock. He’s bad-ass. He’ll peck the shit out of you. The wattle under his hard beak reminds me of something. What could it be?
Ah yes.

balls

Balls. Ain’t nature grand?
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ugly dicks
sex with dicjs amd boobs
cupping a dick
cock older husband

Dicks seem to be heavy on the mind of a lot of people. Apparently, spelling is not as important. Why an older husband cock would be associated with me (come to think of it, older cocks (balls included) and gravity are not a good mix.. keep that visual out of my brain, please)… or cupping a dick? Why me?

As far as ugly dicks… you won’t find them here. I like them pretty—with personality and flair.
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perfectyoungtits.

Perfect Young Tits… yup, I totally get how that one found me.
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tube sex cupping

Okay, I confess… I had to look that up. (If you could see my browser history… scarred for life). I thought we went back to socks and sex…but this references porn, apparently. So why did the search engines send them to me? My perfect young tits will never be filmed or cupped for public consumption. That’s a promise.
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my tears will burn my pillow quotes images

Turn that frown upside down. Good pillows are expensive.
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wife in garments

Why? If you were looking for your wife in garments… why search it online? Couldn’t you just look at your wife in garments right in front of you?
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girls are dick teases

Bitter much?
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boring weekend

Don’t look at me for excitement. All I want to do is nap.
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wife likes making husband cum on marshmallows

If I had a dollar every time I asked my husband to do this….

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how does the novel the casual rule end

The heroine clicks her heels three times and says “There’s no place like home.”

Wait…that’s The Wizard of Oz.

Buy the book or borrow it for free if you have KindleUnlimited.
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So there ya have it. How these terms find little ol’ me, I’ll never know… but at the very least, they keep me amused. I hope they did the same for you.

*****

Now on to some quick business.

Thank you for reading my books, for reviewing, for your support… Thank you for everything! My readers are the BEST!!!!
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I joined Instagram over the weekend. If you’d like to follow me, here’s the link: https://instagram.com/acnetzel/

To follow me on Amazon, click the “FOLLOW” button under my photo: http://www.amazon.com/AC-Netzel/e/B00KCMSBX4
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And last:

I do not have a publish date yet, but I have two teasers to share for The Casual Rule 3. This will be the last of the series. The Casual Rule can be read as a standalone. And The New Rule does not end in a cliffhanger.

To add Book 3 to your Goodreads TBR list: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25762664-untitled

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Come and join me for an hour tonight 9/24/15 while I do a blog takeover.

Just a quick note to let you know I’ll be doing an hour long takeover to Celebrate Crazy Daisy Book Whore’s 6000 Likes.  There will be giveaways and hopefully a little fun mixed in. And I may sneak in a blurb or two from The Casual Rule 3 ( Still Untitled)

Remember, I’m a middle child… smack dab in the center of seven children.  I need constant reassurance to keep my Middle Child Syndrome at bay. Come and join me

8-9:00 EDT.  Here’s the link:

https://www.facebook.com/events/749166345229563/761627793983418/

In the meantime..I’ve been playing with old blurbs.  Enjoy!
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Random things I learned and thought about while taking a social media break:

My kid loves his college… and that makes me love his college.

Self-doubt sucks. I seriously considered not writing anymore. It wasn’t until my husband said “So don’t write anymore” that got my head back into it. Sometimes you need permission to stop in order to go. (Or I just like to do the opposite of what my husband says. That’s always a possibility. … More like a probability)

Joe Manganiello and Scott Eastwood do nothing for me…. even with their shirts off. But Beto Malfacini … that’s a man full of yum. Look at him … Delicious.
(It’s okay…my eyes went there first too.)

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I love the characters in my book. I wish they were real. I would hang out with them. Drink a few beers, eat a few cupcakes. One of the best compliments I ever received was that they were so “normal.” Julia knows who she is… she knows she’s flawed and she owns up to it. She’s a slob and has broken makeup at the bottom of her handbag…. she’s human. She never settles for anything less than what she knows she deserves. I think it’s a great message. Allie may seem  off-the- wall and flaky… but damn, she’s fun and fiercely loyal. And Ben…. Someone once asked me why Ben wasn’t written as one of those Uber Edgy Alphas that’s so popular now. My answer was simple… Julia would never have fallen in love with him. Ben may have his flaws but he’s always truthful, patient and a good man. I love that they feel real to the readers, because to me… they are real.

I can’t curb my Big Brother spoilers’ addiction.

I’m a crappy gardener, but I’m going to do it again next year.

Pinterest is a time sucker… and I’m a sucker for Pinterest.

My fanfiction Late Night Thoughts was featured in an online magazine based in Paris (complete with the English version and French version links to the story). My original intention was to take it down a few weeks after I completed the story, but two years later, I’m still receiving positive and often times, very touching messages about it. So it stays.

I’m excellent at making long lists of things I’m going to accomplish for the day… I’m even better at ignoring those lists.

I should blog more often because I enjoy writing them.

I need to diet and exercise again… as soon as the bag of Pepperidge Farm cookies and the Party Cake Ice cream are gone, I swear.

I plan on prettying up this website and adding a proper mailing list, when I… and by “I”, I mean my husband… has the time.  I’d like to give the illusion that I’m legit and Authory <— yes, I can create words at will. Please subscribe to this blog for the unveiling… in oh, let’s say eight or nine years.

This brief break has shown me that I’m too easily distracted. I want to give The Casual Rule 3 the attention it deserves.  Although I’m not taking another break (I know me too well), I am dwindling my time online. So forgive me if I’m slow to wish you a Happy Anything or answer a PM (which gets lost in my mailbox half the time anyway).

Enough of my babbling. (See how easily distracted I get?) I have a book to finish. Back to the cave I go.

Thanks again to all who have supported me and my writing. Thank you for reading.  Thank you for reviewing.  Thank you for your private messages. Thank you for asking for more Julia and Ben.  If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be doing this.

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Click on for links to the Books.  The Casual Rule should be read first.
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Today is the Last Day of the 99 cent Sale

Today, July 27th, is the last day to download a copy of The Casual Rule and The New Rule for only 99 pennies. I will “dazzle” you once again with a few Photoshop blurbs… as I’ve impressed myself that I figured out how to make them. Tell your friends!  Gift them!  Links and all that jazz below.

Once you’re done admiring the Photoshop glory before you… get one-clicking.

¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*• ‪ #99cents ‬¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•

The Casual Rule
(can be read as a Standalone)

Amazon Reviews:
~The was the perfect book to pull me out of this rut I’ve been in. It was funny, sweet, steamy, and just overall perfection.

~If you are looking for a fun, witty, sweet story that will make you laugh then The Casual Rule is the book for you. I loved this story. It is funny and sexy with a bit of drama all in one.

~FABULOUS! AWESOME! And every other superlative you can think. OH MY! Such tender love. Totally a page turner and I do mean that. Do not start this book at bedtime. I did and finished it at 6 A.M. with an appointment at 9 AM. If I could give it more than 5*, I would. And I rarely ever say that about any book and I have read some terrific books. This book hooked me from the very beginning. No superfluous words. Just amazing writing. I almost passed this book up due to title. Had no idea what it meant. Does not indicate the poignancy and love in this story until you begin reading. But once you get into book, you understand THE CASUAL RULE. If you truly love heartrending romance, READ THIS BOOK. I read it and turned right around the next day and reread it. Still makes me tingle.

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Links:

Amazon US link: http://ow.ly/MTt28

Amazon UK link: http://ow.ly/MTsWY

This book is also FREE on Kindle Unlimited

¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*• ‪ LAST DAY -99cents ‬¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•

The New Rule (The Casual Rule 2)

(The Casual Rule should be read prior to The New Rule. No cliffhanger ending.)

Reviews:

~Wow! An absolutely amazing follow up book and so emotionally charged that I cried a few times during this read. Brilliant story; everyone should read this series!!!

~I just love Ben and Julia. They honestly have to be one of my favorite book couples

~AC Netzel is a hidden talent just waiting to be discovered. The New Rule was emotional and heartwarming and all of those other words that are used to describe something good. She has some of the most fun and witty dialogue between characters that I have read not to mention the seriously HOT sex

NR Summer Sale 2NR Summer Sale

US Link: http://tinyurl.com/nodzxkc

UK Link: http://tinyurl.com/k6d8zqj


This book is also FREE on Kindle Unlimited

¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*• ‪ .¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*• ‪ .¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•

I’m writing Book 3 of the series now. Here’s the Goodreads link to add it to your TBR list. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25762664-untitled

Summer Sale Ad 1

After this sale, I go back into the writing cave (and stop playing with Photoshop).  I have the best readers… thank you so much for your support and for loving Julia, Ben, and Allie as much as I do.

Summer Sale for The Casual Rule ~and~ The New Rule. WooHoo…Get clicking!!!

beach ad 1 copy Thank you! Thank you! Thank you to my wonderful readers for your amazing support, for spending your precious time reading my books, and for spreading the word about them.  You’re the best!

Good News!  If you haven’t met Julia and Ben (gasp!) …Here’s your chance. It’s a 99 cent each…(or FREE on Kindle Unlimited) Summer Sale for The Casual Rule AND The New Rule.  This is only for a very limited time… starting  Thursday July 23rd and ending Monday July 27th. Tell your friends! Get your one-click finger ready.  Here’s all the info, links, and all that jazz. (**Please check Amazon’s price before you click)

~o0o~

The Casual Rule can be read as a standalone. Funny, sweet, sexy, and totally captivating with characters you could feel. There are hordes of hopeless romantics who will love the way this story unfolds.- 5* Amazon Review

Amazon US link: http://ow.ly/MTt28

Amazon UK link: http://ow.ly/MTsWY

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~o0o~

The New Rule (The Casual Rule 2) The Casual Rule should be read before The New Rule.  There is no cliffhanger ending.  Just a little more sweet, a little more smut, a little more snark.

 Love this continuation of Ben and Julie. The book was filled with love laughter tears and some great sex too!:) -Amazon 5* review

US Link: http://tinyurl.com/nodzxkc

UK Link: http://tinyurl.com/k6d8zqj

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~o0o~

I’m currently writing Book 3 in the series. Here’s the Goodreads link to add it to your TBR list. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25762664-untitled

Here’s more ways to keep track of me:

Follow my Author page on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/AC-Netzel/e/B00KCMSBX4

LIKE me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-AC-Netzel/643706702344488

Find me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/ACNetzel Or Subscribe to this blog. Summer Sale Ad 1

Ten Things I Like… and Other Stuff.

Feeding my apparent addictive personality, I blurbed again. I can’t help myself. I’m so technically challenged… the fact that I figured this out makes me downright giddy. I’ll post the blurbs at the bottom of this posting.

Now on to other things…

Back in January, I made a list of twenty things I hate. I’ve been trying to come up with a counter-list of twenty things I like. This has proved to be… well… challenging. The first three were easy. After that I had to actually think long and hard. And thinking long and hard hurts my brain.

What can I say? I’m a delicate flower.

So I’m going to give you ten and I’ll add to it some time down the road.

1- Flabby Chris Pratt- I love this guy. He seems so down to earth. Speaks highly of his wife. Tears up when he talks about his kid. Visits sick children in hospitals. He’s the real deal…a genuinely awesome human being. If I ever find out this was all an act… or he cheats on his wife… or was mean to an animal… I would be absolutely devastated.

2- Fit Chris Pratt- Three letters…. Abs! All the awesome, plus chiseled.

3- Sandra Bullock- I love her. I want to be her best friend. I want to hold her umbrella when it rains. Oh Sandy, I know you’ve got some snark in you… we need to drink and let the snark fly free for the world (us) to enjoy.

4- Tina Fey- Smart, funny and fierce.

5- Amy Poehler- See Tina Fey.

(Incidentally, I know they’re BFFs… I think Sandy and I could easily join their BFF club. Let’s make it a Quad, Ladies. The BFF Square… BS for short

6- Arrested Development- It’s my fault the show is off the air. Whenever I find a show I like, it gets cancelled. I’m sorry. How can’t you enjoy this goldmine of one-liners with brilliant lines like “I just blue myself” and “I suppose I’m buy-curious”? This was cast beautifully, and written so smart and witty. Love it. Remember… there’s always money in the banana stand.

7- Twizzlers- I’m not a chocolate person. On occasion, okay. But put a package of Twizzlers in front of me and I’m all in. It’s like candy crack. I know there are some who prefer Red Vines. I like Red Vines too. They have a unique unnatural plastic-y taste I enjoy. But I’m loyal and my heart still belongs to Twizzlers.

8- Napping- Friends have given me the nickname “The Napster”. I like napping. I can take a nap, wake up and ten minutes later take another. My husband is not a napper. I have tried to wrap my head around that phenomenon. For the life of me, I don’t understand how anyone could pass up a chance to sleep when the opportunity presented itself. On Seinfeld, when George Costanza got that desk with the secret napping compartment… I was jealous at its brilliance. Why didn’t I think of that?

9- Wine. (Although I liked it a little too much last night)

10- Berries. I’m a big fan of berries. Strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries. Love them. The only thing I don’t love is the price. I grew up near protected wetlands, so there were a lot of woods in the area. It was a great place to grow up. Blackberries grew wild everywhere. Thousands of blackberry bushes where there for the picking. In season, after school we’d go out with a coffee mug and pick a cup full for an after school snack. My house wasn’t one that was regularly full of cookies and other goodies, so this was nature’s way of giving back. That takes me to today… my backyard is full of wild berry bushes (courtesy of bird droppings). Since I don’t know if the berries are poisonous or not, I’m not willing to take a chance and either have a psychedelic 60’s acid-trip moment or die… I pull them out. (Thorny suckers, by the way). So, I go to the supermarket and a tiny pint costs me a pretty penny. I pay it, because I love it. And I deserve it, dammit. I’d try to grow my own, but the evil squirrels and chipmunks who dominate my yard would grab them first. Critter thief bastards.

I’ll come up with more at a later date… there can’t possibly be only ten things I like.

On to some business at hand.

It was brought to my attention that a few Chapters in my new book, The New Rule, take place Memorial Day weekend. So if you haven’t read it yet and plan to … the hell with your family. Spend it with Julia, Ben, and company.

And once again… thank you to everyone who has supported my writing. Before, during and after. I am grateful and humbled. Your PMs, emails, reviews on Amazon and Goodreads, facebook posts, twitter tweets, and blog posts mean the world to me. Writing is a very personal thing, (for me at least). I hope through these two books I managed to put a smile on your face, maybe gave you a laugh or two. Many people have expressed to me how they felt Julia and Ben were like real people… to me, they are.

To me they’re proof that ordinary people can have extraordinary love stories.

And one last thing before I blurb you…on a serious note.

If you observe Memorial Day weekend… Enjoy your family and friends, be safe, and most importantly…Remember the veterans who are no longer with us and if you see or know a veteran … thank him or her.

The New Rule (The Casual Rule 2)
US Link: http://tinyurl.com/nodzxkc
UK Link: http://tinyurl.com/k6d8zqj
CA Link: http://tinyurl.com/lwfm4rl
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The Casual Rule (can be read as a standalone)
FREE with Kindle Unlimited or $2.99 to own.
Amazon US link: http://ow.ly/MTt28
Amazon UK link: http://ow.ly/MTsWY

More Julia Ben Julia Ben copy