Tag Archive | funny

The Only Rule (The Casual Rule 3) is LIVE!

The Only Rule Final CoverThe Only Rule is LIVE!

Thank you to everyone who has supprted me and loves Julia, Ben and Allie as much as I do.  I hope it makes you smile!

myBook.to/TheOnlyRule

After a bad break-up, Julia wasn’t interested in another romantic relationship. Ben wasn’t interested in commitment. Unable to fight their undeniable attraction, they embarked on a purely physical friends-with-benefits affair.

The only rule was to keep things casual.

But some rules were meant to be broken.

And their casual rule was obliterated.

Now madly in love and deeply committed to each other, they’re on the road to tying the knot.

With best friends like Allie, secret friend Stuart, and a big Italian family to help smooth out a few bumps on the matrimonial highway, getting to their wedding day may be one unpredictable ride.

A little more sweet, a little more smut, a little more snark.

This is the third and last of The Casual Rule series.
Recommended for readers 18+ due to sexual references and sex scenes

FREE ON Kindle Unlimited

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The Only Rule- Cover Reveal

 

Let’s do this one last time…

A little sweet.  A little snark. A little smut.

Coming October 26th!

The Only Rule Final Cover

Find Me:

Add The Only Rule to your Goodreads TBR list: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25762664-untitled

Follow me on Amazon ( click “follow”) under my picture:  https://www.amazon.com/AC-Netzel/e/B00KCMSBX4

Like my Facebook Author Page:  http://tinyurl.com/kkbnfcl

Friend me on Facebook at AC Netzel:   http://tinyurl.com/ou5urcq

Twitter at @ACNetzel  https://twitter.com/ACNetzel

 

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Ain’t Life Funny- A True Story

This is a story I shared on my facebook page some time ago.  I thought I’d share it here.

From the time I was seven years old I was part of a best friend trio. Molly, Jen, and me… friends through thick and thin… through mud pies and playground crushes.

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Once we reached our pre-teens, Molly’s parents flew her out (alone) to Florida to visit her aunt and grandmother for a month each summer. Molly’s mom used to bring me and Jen to the airport to pick her up at the end of her visit. An airport pickup was ultra glamorous. Neither of us had ever flown in a plane, let alone stepped foot in an airport. In our eyes, Molly’s life was flashy and electrifying. A teen jet-setter.

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Molly always came home with thrilling, envy-inducing tales about all the exciting things she did in Florida. It was endless stories of Disney World, shopping, and cute boys at the beaches. It was all so sophisticated and exhilarating. A far cry from Jen and I, who played kickball in the street with the neighborhood kids, rode our bicycles, picked blackberries growing wild in the wetlands, and hung-out in tree houses in the woods where there was usually a stack of old Playboy magazines the neighborhood boys hid.

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Mostly a Norman Rockwell existence… nothing to write home about.

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One year, when we were about twelve-years-old, Molly came home with a story about a boy she met while in Florida and how they were inseparable, summer romance, blah, blah, blah… that kind of thing. Since I saw us as a trio of equals, I was a little concerned (okay, okay… totally jealous) that the balance of coolness in our trio was tilting. So I did the only thing I could think of to slant the balance back to the center.

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I lied.

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I made up a story (thankfully Jen backed me on it) about how we met two guys and had our own summer romances (cue the soundtrack from Grease). Molly was (and still is) no dummy. She wanted details. Names, places, etc. Not thinking Molly would challenge our dishonesty; I panicked and came up with a name of a guy I never met.

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I knew he existed because for years my older sister teased me about him. One of her best friends from High School had a younger brother my age. She teased me all the time that she was going to fix me up with him. All the time.

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ALL. THE. EFFING. TIME.

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Those of you who have older siblings can sympathize with me. Once they find your kryptonite, the one thing that needles you until you start swinging your fists, they never let it go. They live for your weakness, flourish in it. I never met the kid, didn’t know what he looked like, what his voice sounded like, how tall he was… all I knew was just hearing his name made me cringe. I hated him because he was the (unknowing) source of hours of teasing and misery.

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Nevertheless he came in handy for this particular fib, because he was male and she’d never meet him. He was a convenient lie. So I announced that I dated a boy who I met through my sister and Jen dated his friend, Eric (totally fictional friend). We stuck to the stories of our summer romances and eventually the lie faded to the background of pre-teen life.

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Two years later, we were High School freshman. This was the big time. Coolness was imperative. Although my High School was HUGE (my graduating class alone was 1100 students), the honors classes were relatively small. You got to know pretty much everyone in the Honor class rotation quickly. One day I heard my fake “boyfriend’s” name mentioned. I cringed. This mystery kid who I hated actually existed and he was in here in the flesh. Worse… he was friends with some mutual friends. I avoided him like the plague for two reasons: I absolutely hated him because he was the thorn my sister put in my side for years…and if Molly met him, she’d figure out Jen and I were liars and not nearly as cool as we pretended.

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Fortunately, in our four years of High School… my lie was never discovered (because it’s a BFF’s duty to ridicule you if something embarrassing was discovered). I wouldn’t say I was ever “friendly” with my fake boyfriend… but we coexisted since we had some mutual friends. I even went to a party at his house during my senior year in High School with my boyfriend at the time.

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To this day, Molly has never put together (and I’m sure long ago forgotten) my big lie. I love getting away with a good story.

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Today, Molly, Jen, and I live in different states. But we talk and keep up with each other from time to time..

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And that fake boyfriend, who I never met and absolutely despised…. We’ll be celebrating our 27th wedding anniversary in December.

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(This is a true story. My friend’s names have been changed.)

*** Just a quick note, I’ve added separate pages for my books and their links.  I apologize if you get a bunch of emails because of it.

More Fun with My Blog’s Search Terms **NSFW**

You know when you’re pouring your last glass of wine for the night and there’s a little more than you want left in the bottle, but not enough for another glass? You have  a decision to make— do you save what little is left for some future recipe or just pour what’s left in your glass and in all likelihood end up with a nasty hangover the next day?

Last night, I went with the latter.

So here I am in my bad-decision wine haze, waiting for the coffee to seep into my veins and cure me of my stupidity. My plan was to work on my third book this morning… but in the current state of my fuzzy brain, that’s not happening. So instead, I checked out the search terms that lead people to this blog. I find it fascinating what keywords bring people here. I did this once before and had fun with it. Let’s take a peek and see what we got this time around. Please forgive any duplicates from last time (some of these terms are mind-boggling).

I’m going to skip all the obvious FSOG fanfiction search terms (and there’s a boatload of them). This is NSFW.
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socks and sex
sexy tits and tube socks

Is there a new sex & sock revolution happening that I’m not aware of? I have seen trios of socks sold. I always assumed it was because one sock always seems to get eaten by the washing machine so you had a matching replacement. This apparent sock sex movement has me rethinking that. Sock trio= foot, foot, dick. Warm dick, warm heart?
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dumbbells movie sex scene

I’m not an exerciser…but that sounds dangerous to me. Unless we’re talking about actors who are not too bright…
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the perfect cock

You want cock? You got it.

rooster-71685_640

Look at this magnificent cock. He’s bad-ass. He’ll peck the shit out of you. The wattle under his hard beak reminds me of something. What could it be?
Ah yes.

balls

Balls. Ain’t nature grand?
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ugly dicks
sex with dicjs amd boobs
cupping a dick
cock older husband

Dicks seem to be heavy on the mind of a lot of people. Apparently, spelling is not as important. Why an older husband cock would be associated with me (come to think of it, older cocks (balls included) and gravity are not a good mix.. keep that visual out of my brain, please)… or cupping a dick? Why me?

As far as ugly dicks… you won’t find them here. I like them pretty—with personality and flair.
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perfectyoungtits.

Perfect Young Tits… yup, I totally get how that one found me.
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tube sex cupping

Okay, I confess… I had to look that up. (If you could see my browser history… scarred for life). I thought we went back to socks and sex…but this references porn, apparently. So why did the search engines send them to me? My perfect young tits will never be filmed or cupped for public consumption. That’s a promise.
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my tears will burn my pillow quotes images

Turn that frown upside down. Good pillows are expensive.
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wife in garments

Why? If you were looking for your wife in garments… why search it online? Couldn’t you just look at your wife in garments right in front of you?
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girls are dick teases

Bitter much?
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boring weekend

Don’t look at me for excitement. All I want to do is nap.
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wife likes making husband cum on marshmallows

If I had a dollar every time I asked my husband to do this….

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how does the novel the casual rule end

The heroine clicks her heels three times and says “There’s no place like home.”

Wait…that’s The Wizard of Oz.

Buy the book or borrow it for free if you have KindleUnlimited.
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So there ya have it. How these terms find little ol’ me, I’ll never know… but at the very least, they keep me amused. I hope they did the same for you.

*****

Now on to some quick business.

Thank you for reading my books, for reviewing, for your support… Thank you for everything! My readers are the BEST!!!!
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I joined Instagram over the weekend. If you’d like to follow me, here’s the link: https://instagram.com/acnetzel/

To follow me on Amazon, click the “FOLLOW” button under my photo: http://www.amazon.com/AC-Netzel/e/B00KCMSBX4
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And last:

I do not have a publish date yet, but I have two teasers to share for The Casual Rule 3. This will be the last of the series. The Casual Rule can be read as a standalone. And The New Rule does not end in a cliffhanger.

To add Book 3 to your Goodreads TBR list: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25762664-untitled

cr3 ben blurbcr3 blurb allie

Ten Things I Like… and Other Stuff.

Feeding my apparent addictive personality, I blurbed again. I can’t help myself. I’m so technically challenged… the fact that I figured this out makes me downright giddy. I’ll post the blurbs at the bottom of this posting.

Now on to other things…

Back in January, I made a list of twenty things I hate. I’ve been trying to come up with a counter-list of twenty things I like. This has proved to be… well… challenging. The first three were easy. After that I had to actually think long and hard. And thinking long and hard hurts my brain.

What can I say? I’m a delicate flower.

So I’m going to give you ten and I’ll add to it some time down the road.

1- Flabby Chris Pratt- I love this guy. He seems so down to earth. Speaks highly of his wife. Tears up when he talks about his kid. Visits sick children in hospitals. He’s the real deal…a genuinely awesome human being. If I ever find out this was all an act… or he cheats on his wife… or was mean to an animal… I would be absolutely devastated.

2- Fit Chris Pratt- Three letters…. Abs! All the awesome, plus chiseled.

3- Sandra Bullock- I love her. I want to be her best friend. I want to hold her umbrella when it rains. Oh Sandy, I know you’ve got some snark in you… we need to drink and let the snark fly free for the world (us) to enjoy.

4- Tina Fey- Smart, funny and fierce.

5- Amy Poehler- See Tina Fey.

(Incidentally, I know they’re BFFs… I think Sandy and I could easily join their BFF club. Let’s make it a Quad, Ladies. The BFF Square… BS for short

6- Arrested Development- It’s my fault the show is off the air. Whenever I find a show I like, it gets cancelled. I’m sorry. How can’t you enjoy this goldmine of one-liners with brilliant lines like “I just blue myself” and “I suppose I’m buy-curious”? This was cast beautifully, and written so smart and witty. Love it. Remember… there’s always money in the banana stand.

7- Twizzlers- I’m not a chocolate person. On occasion, okay. But put a package of Twizzlers in front of me and I’m all in. It’s like candy crack. I know there are some who prefer Red Vines. I like Red Vines too. They have a unique unnatural plastic-y taste I enjoy. But I’m loyal and my heart still belongs to Twizzlers.

8- Napping- Friends have given me the nickname “The Napster”. I like napping. I can take a nap, wake up and ten minutes later take another. My husband is not a napper. I have tried to wrap my head around that phenomenon. For the life of me, I don’t understand how anyone could pass up a chance to sleep when the opportunity presented itself. On Seinfeld, when George Costanza got that desk with the secret napping compartment… I was jealous at its brilliance. Why didn’t I think of that?

9- Wine. (Although I liked it a little too much last night)

10- Berries. I’m a big fan of berries. Strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries. Love them. The only thing I don’t love is the price. I grew up near protected wetlands, so there were a lot of woods in the area. It was a great place to grow up. Blackberries grew wild everywhere. Thousands of blackberry bushes where there for the picking. In season, after school we’d go out with a coffee mug and pick a cup full for an after school snack. My house wasn’t one that was regularly full of cookies and other goodies, so this was nature’s way of giving back. That takes me to today… my backyard is full of wild berry bushes (courtesy of bird droppings). Since I don’t know if the berries are poisonous or not, I’m not willing to take a chance and either have a psychedelic 60’s acid-trip moment or die… I pull them out. (Thorny suckers, by the way). So, I go to the supermarket and a tiny pint costs me a pretty penny. I pay it, because I love it. And I deserve it, dammit. I’d try to grow my own, but the evil squirrels and chipmunks who dominate my yard would grab them first. Critter thief bastards.

I’ll come up with more at a later date… there can’t possibly be only ten things I like.

On to some business at hand.

It was brought to my attention that a few Chapters in my new book, The New Rule, take place Memorial Day weekend. So if you haven’t read it yet and plan to … the hell with your family. Spend it with Julia, Ben, and company.

And once again… thank you to everyone who has supported my writing. Before, during and after. I am grateful and humbled. Your PMs, emails, reviews on Amazon and Goodreads, facebook posts, twitter tweets, and blog posts mean the world to me. Writing is a very personal thing, (for me at least). I hope through these two books I managed to put a smile on your face, maybe gave you a laugh or two. Many people have expressed to me how they felt Julia and Ben were like real people… to me, they are.

To me they’re proof that ordinary people can have extraordinary love stories.

And one last thing before I blurb you…on a serious note.

If you observe Memorial Day weekend… Enjoy your family and friends, be safe, and most importantly…Remember the veterans who are no longer with us and if you see or know a veteran … thank him or her.

The New Rule (The Casual Rule 2)
US Link: http://tinyurl.com/nodzxkc
UK Link: http://tinyurl.com/k6d8zqj
CA Link: http://tinyurl.com/lwfm4rl
NR Blurb4 NR Blurb 5

The Casual Rule (can be read as a standalone)
FREE with Kindle Unlimited or $2.99 to own.
Amazon US link: http://ow.ly/MTt28
Amazon UK link: http://ow.ly/MTsWY

More Julia Ben Julia Ben copy

Twenty Things I Hate

Full disclosure before you read this: I’ve been sick for over a week with a killer cold and I’m hopped up on sinus medication while I write this. I make no guarantees it will make any sense. Read at your own risk.

Okay, now that the warnings of medicated stupidity are over…

I’m cranky as hell. I feel like crap. My head has so much pressure I can’t concentrate long enough to write anything for the book or proofread anything already written (hence the warning above). In the spirit of my crankiness, I was mulling over things I dislike. I’m trying to be upbeat by not using the word “hate” even though in my current mood… it may be the better choice.

So here’s a short list of twenty things I greatly dislike most days and hate today (is that better?)

1- Julia Roberts: I don’t know what it is about her that turns me off so much. I liked her in Notting Hill, but that’s because Hugh Grant was in it. Hugh Grant I like. On the off chance that she is reading this… Dear Julia- I didn’t mean to write Julia Roberts, I meant Doris Roberts.

2-Channing Tatum : Sorry, I know the ladies swoon for this guy, but I don’t see it. Yeah, he has a nice body, but the rest… pass. Unless he’s reading this, then I meant Carol Channing (I don’t; she’s a national treasure)

3- Plastic Wrap: It always rips at the wrong spot, sticks to itself and frustrates the hell out of me. I’m pretty certain it thinks it’s smarter than me… and it just may be.

4- Empty toilet paper rolls on the toilet paper holder: It’s a reminder of how lazy my family can be. They take out a new roll of toilet paper and place it on top of the empty roll, but don’t bother to remove the empty cardboard roll and replace it.

5- Buying gasoline: I live in one of two states in the country where you cannot pump your own gas. In my lifetime, I have never pumped my own gas (that should probably go on my tombstone: Here lies AC Netzel- Never Pumped Gas). The fact that I never need to leave my car, face the elements should mean getting gas is no big deal. Once the gas light comes on in my car, I’m filled with dread. There’s no reasonable explanations. All I do is hand the attendant my debit card and my participation is complete. But I hate it.

6- When make-up crud gathers in the corner of my eyes. Gross, just gross.

7- People who saunter through the grocery store: The perfect birthday gift for me would be an hour … alone in a grocery store. With no saunter-ers (I made that word up). No chatty neighbors. No aisle hogs. No sudden cart stoppers.

8- Ambrosia: I know it’s dessert, but it looks like a hot mess to me.

9- Aaron Neville’s Mole: The guy is super talented. But his mole: I don’t know much, but I know I don’t like it.

10- People who say “I know how you feel” when they can’t possibly know how I feel.

11- Ball Pits: When my daughter was a toddler, she had a panic attack in one of the tubes in a ball pit playground at a local fast food chain. I was eight months pregnant with baby #2 at the time. I had to climb in to help her out. I wasn’t one of those pretty “just pregnant from the front women”, I was pregnant EVERYWHERE. Once inside, I saw the horrors that no parent should see. Not only were there filthy balls festering with germs, but there was a corner where some toddler peed. Yes, a pee puddle inside. I had to get my daughter out, without disturbing the pee… then I had to slide my fat pregnant ass down a tube slide. Last time we went there.

12- All the Trump men’s hair: Dudes, you have the money. Fork over the ten bucks, go to a mall and ask the barber to give you a proper haircut. And the gel? Lose it. It’s not working for any of you. I don’t know if the Trump Men lost a bet and that’s why they wear that hair… but it has to stop. Donald, Donald Jr., Eric… Please, find a stylist.

13- People who use big words when simpler words will do. You’re not impressing anyone.

14- My hair on humid days. Hot mess.

15- People who think it’s acceptable to walk up to a pregnant woman and pat her stomach. No, no, no, no, no. That crosses so many personal space and respect lines. This is never okay.

16- Loud sippers: You know people who sip their coffee with that “nails on a chalkboard” loud sippy sound? Ugh. My father was a loud coffee sipper. Loved the man, hated that sound. Or the soda gulpers. Cut it out. Drink like a human. Unless you have a medical condition and you have no choice, don’t slurp. Especially in public.

17- One-Uppers: You know these people. You have a story and they always have a better story. They’re so insecure; they have to steal everyone else’s limelight. Asswipes.

18- Highway Drifters: PICK A DAMN LANE and stay with it.

19- The consistency of tofu: Food shouldn’t be spongy.

20- People who try to force me to take a picture. I don’t like having my photo taken. I never have, even when I was a kid. There are probably ten pictures of me in existence. If I say no… I mean no. Respect it and move on. You’re not going to needle me until I change my mind. It will make me hate you more.

~o0o~

I could go on and on…until the meds wear off anyway, but you get the picture. Feel free to share.

Can You Sign This?

I was looking for something on a shelf in my closet when a giant box landed on my head and most of the contents spilled out.  My organizational skills suck. Sprawled out all over the floor were mementos from long (and I mean L-O-N-G) ago. There were cards we held on to — anniversary, Valentines Day, etc.—I even found an invitation to my wedding in the box.

There were ticket stubs from concerts. I’d like to go on record as saying I was a pretty rocking teenager… The Who (their first last tour), Kinks, Grateful Dead, Billy Joel, Police, Rolling Stones (another first last tour), Van Halen (David Lee Roth’s first go-around), Elton John (after John Lennon was killed. Yoko came out during ‘Empty Garden”- very moving), Yes (which I remember hating).

If someone was touring, I was there. It gave me bragging rights the next day in school.  Back then, it was important to give off an “I’m cool, I go to concerts” vibe at all times. I really wish I kept my collection of concert T-shirts—I’d make a small fortune on eBay today.

I struck gold when I came across two items I forgot existed. My autograph albums from Grammar School (5th grade) and Intermediate (8th grade). It was customary for graduating students to ask your friends and teachers to sign a page and wish you well in the future.

My fifth grade book had many of the customary “Best of Luck” and “Best Wishes” sentiments written by teachers. My friends, on the other hand, wrote more colorful but sweet sayings. Things like:

“If all the boys lived a cross the sea, what a good swimmer Annette would be.”

“When you’re old and have nothing to eat, take off your shoes and smell your feet.” (This makes absolutely no sense.)

You get the picture.

Teachers wished me well. Some saying what a “lovely girl” I was (I was… Truly, I was).  I was a bit of a clown when I was nine-years-old, as evidenced by the following words:

lio006humor 5th007

Below was written by my 5th grade teacher. I’m pretty certain I tortured the poor man with my smart-ass mouth and sparkling personality.

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Fast forward to eighth-grade. Well, well, well… we certainly lost our wholesome sweetness. It was all about sex… especially for the boys.

8th vagina0128th stuff0108th head009
And apparently I held onto my class clown crown. Fortunately, my teachers appreciated my humor (mostly) and gave it back.

8th tuzzo011

This was written by my math teacher. He was an awesome man. (Note: He knew how to spell “Annette”, back then I called myself many things.  This was my “French” version of my name.  People indulged  me because I was just so darn wonderful.

This little walk down Memory Lane proved to me that although we grow up and become responsible(ish) adults—there’s two things that never change:

Making people laugh will always be my lot in life.

And at any age… if a boy can bring sex into the conversion, he will.


Okay, I haven’t done this in a while, so I’m going for it. A shameless plug…

My book The Casual Rule is available on Amazon for kindle. If you don’t own a kindle, Amazon offers a free Kindle App.

It’s a great read ( if I don’t say so myself), especially this time of the year, as the story includes Christmas Eve & Day chapters.

Here’s the link (or you can click on the book icon to your right)

http://tinyurl.com/k7t7ugp

Here are a few Amazon reviews:

-If you are looking for a fun, witty, sweet story that will make you laugh then The Casual Rule is the book for you. I loved this story. It is funny and sexy with a bit of drama all in one.

-If you’re looking for a book with a little bit of smut, a little comedy and a ride on an emotional roller coaster, then pick up this book today. You will love Julia. She is incredible and I think she’s one of my new favorite female characters this year.
-If you’re looking for a light and fun romantic comedy with plenty of laughs you are sure to enjoy The Casual Rule! It would make the perfect beach read!

-FABULOUS! AWESOME! And every other superlative you can think. OH MY! Such tender love. Totally a page turner and I do mean that.  If I could give it more than 5*, I would. And I rarely ever say that about any book and I have read some terrific books. This book hooked me from the very beginning. No superfluous words. Just amazing writing. If you truly love heartrending romance, READ THIS BOOK. I read it and turned right around the next day and reread it. Still makes me tingle.

-Funny, sweet, sexy, and totally captivating with characters you could feel. There are hordes of hopeless romantics who will love the way this story unfolds.


 

Re: Fanfiction:

There was an update on the Fifty Shades- A Different Way story on Nov 14th. If you missed it, check it out.

 


One Last Thing:

Thank you to everyone for the kind words either through comments or private messages on my last blog entry. It’s very much appreciated.

I’ll leave you with a quote by Drew Barrymore:

“Life is very interesting… in the end, some of your greatest pains, become your greatest strengths.”